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Talk:Jeff the Killer/@comment-24958632-20140518225024/@comment-24958632-20140518233310
I have never read anything so fucking awful in my entire life. Seriously. Here I am, thinking, "If this person is BEGGING me to read it, it can't be that bad. Right?" WRONG. And me, being the person I am, I'm going to give my complete thoughts on the dumpster of a story I have just assaulted my mind with. (RIP Rhen's faith in humanity). This story is just fucking awful. I cannot for the life of me understand why people enjoy this shit. This shit looks like it was written by some thirteen-year-old edgy kid trying to seem cool. Alright. List time. How this story was totally awful: 1. The dialogue is not believable in the slightest. "Well well well, looks like we got some new meat" was actually one of the lines in the story. Are you fucking kidding me? My cousin Aaron can write better dialogue than this. 2. All rational thinking certainly was gone as far as scientific accuracy. There are so many problems I could point out, but I'm not gonna get all the way into it. Although I must say that fire does NOT dye hair or lips. It fucking burns hair into nothing, and lips would cook up like sausage. Burning off the eyelids would result in blindness due to the eventual buildup of debris on the eyeball. Also I'm pretty sure it's highly difficult to burn your eyelids without damaging the eyeball. 3. The fight scenes were fucking awful. Seriously. I've written some pretty shitty fight scenes, but this is awful. "As he fell, he puked all over." All over what? The floor? Himself? Mike Tyson? "He grabs Randy and pile drives him to the ground." Mhmm. Mhmm. Very believable. "Jeff popped the kid in the nose. As Randy reached for his face, Jeff grabbed the kid's wrist and broke it. Randy screamed and Jeff grabbed the knife from his hand. Troy and Keith rushed Jeff, but Jeff was too quick. He threw Randy to the ground. Keith lashed out at him, but Jeff ducked and stabbed him in the arm. Keith dropped his knife and fell to the ground screaming. Troy rushed him too, but Jeff didn't even need the knife. He just punched Troy straight in the stomach and Troy went down. As he fell, he puked all over. Liu could do nothing but look in amazement at Jeff." FUUUUUUUUUU- NO. A THIRTEEN-YEAR-OLD KID CANNOT- NO. GOD DAMN MOTHERFUCKER WHY. "He gets on top of him and punches him straight in the heart. The punch causes Randy's heart to stop." A single punch will not do this, not unless you're, like, The Rock going up against that baby on that one episode of SVU that got left outside of Tumbleweeds. And even then I'm not sure it would stop the baby's heart. I dunno. I'm not a doctor or Bill Nye the Science Guy. And finally, my personal favorite. "A thing of bleach fell down on top of him from the top shelf." Because the bleach "things" just totally defy all laws of physics and fall wherever the hell they want. (Bleach "things" are the REAL creepypasta. -screams in horror and holds a "thing" of bleach at arm's length-) And then there's this. "'Okay? I've never felt more happy! Ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaa, look at me. This face goes perfectly with me!" He couldn't stop laughing. He stroked his face feeling it. Looking at it in the mirror. What caused this? Well, you may recall that when Jeff was fighting Randy something in his mind, his sanity, snapped. Now he was left as a crazy killing machine, that is, his parents didn't know." -repeatedly slams face into a brick wall- No. No. No. That's now how things work. You don't get into a fight and lose your sanity. No. Stop. Oh, but this. "The kid landed and turned back to them. He kicked his skate board up and caught it with his hands. The kid seems to be about twelve; one year younger than Jeff. He wears a Aeropostale shirt and ripped blue jeans." This is the same kid that, later in the story, HAS A FUCKING GUN AND IS SHOOTING IT AT THE MAIN CHARACTER. Oh yes, I forgot. Every twelve-year-old has a fucking gun and knows how to operate it. Mhmm.